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The Moron's Guide to Startup Financing: How to Create the Perfect Pitch Deck

 You decided bootstrapping the business wasn't for you. After all, you can only take on so much credit card debt on your own. Somehow you managed to scrape together enough information about your product to intrigue a venture capitalist. The meeting is this next week, and you need to nail this pitch deck, or the only prototype you'll be working on is how to maximize lumbar support out of cardboard since you'll be homeless. To really have any chance at convincing the venture capitalist, you need to create the perfect pitch deck. 

Initially you may think that all you need to do is clearly explain what your product or service does, who your target audience is, what your TAM is, and how you'll get this investor a return on their money. However, as any founder who has been through this knows, it's all about using as many buzzwords as possible. You need to start off with something like "The synergy of our AI will allow the neural network to operate on the blockchain." I know, a statement like this is pure poetry. Does anyone know what this means, absolutely not, but the venture capitalist will write a check so fast they'll sprain their wrist in the process. 

Why would something like this work, you may ask? It's all about giving the venture capitalist something to brag about to their friends. They want to be able to say that they just made a massive investment in a company that uses the synergy of AI to allow neural networks to operate on the blockchain. It will make the venture capitalist look impressive for spotting this non-existent trend in advance and make you look like a genius for being a visionary. 

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